Evolving Faith: Chris’s Story
In our most recent podcast episode, we interviewed Chris Haugan about this post he shared on Facebook:
“I’m not trying to make an overstatement but this book has changed my life. I’ve spent an entire year reading it as slowly as I can cause I don’t want to miss a word.
Four years ago, I stepped away from being a pastor, which ended 20 straight years of being employed by a church. A lot of pastors leave feeling burned out. I wasn’t burned out. It was much deeper than that. I felt totally empty, and had no idea who I was anymore. I felt totally disappointed by the church, not necessarily by anyone in particular, but by the church in general - the institution, evangelicalism, the American church as a whole. The cultural fish bowl I was swimming in let me down. It wasn’t what I had dreamed it to be. And on top of that, I stepped away to go into banking of all things. I was the perfect example of the fruit of the church because I spent my life doing everything the absolute best I could, and I ended up feeling like a shriveled raisin. A shell of myself. Used until I wasn’t useful anymore. Is this what a faith journey is supposed to look like?
Beyond that, our world has become so divided and sometimes it feels like the church is causing more harm than good. For a person like me who loves feeling connected to others, I felt like I literally didn’t belong anywhere anymore. For the first time in my life, I felt like a spiritual orphan, an outsider. I was desperate to know who or where was my safe place.
So I started reading more about church history and traditions and trying to understand if there is a theology out there that made sense, that didn’t lead to becoming a raisin. I stumbled on Richard Rohr at a time when I just desperately needed a sense of community, not just physical community but a general sense of spiritual community. This book has helped me feel grounded again. It helped me understand that the world is much bigger than what I had made it out to be. God is more inclusive than I ever imagined. God is more loving than I ever imagined. This book helped me get back to seeing the beauty in all things. The Christ in all things. To see love and dignity in all people, not just those who play the game well. I feel like I belong somewhere again. God still has a place for me.
Before, I thought I knew everything but I’m realizing I have so much further to go. To anyone out there that I used in the past, I’m sorry. To anyone out there that I made feel less-than or that you had to do something to fit in, I’m sorry. For some reason, I’m scared shitless to post this. I’m deathly afraid of offending anybody. But at the same time, a few years ago, I desperately needed someone to tell me that I belonged and that I’m loved. There were numerous people who did (you know who you are), and for that, from the bottom of my heart Thank You for holding me up! For this reason, I want to share with others.
To anyone out there who resonates with this and feels like a spiritual orphan - you’re not alone, your experience mattered, you’re not crazy and you’ll get through this. If you need someone to chat with, please reach out. I’d be happy to listen. This is what the journey is supposed to look like.”
As soon as we saw Chris’s post, we knew we had to get him on the podcast. As we scrolled through the dozens and dozens of comments from people saying, “Me too,” our hearts broke. Yet we also felt strangely hopeful because we know we have something beautiful to offer to everyone saying, “Me too.”
We have so many beautiful ways to walk with you, but we actually built one especially for those feeling like Chris. We’re calling them Spirituality Groups because they’re centered around YOUR spirituality. Your experience of God. Your story. Your ever-changing faith (or lack of faith).
They will be a safe space for deep community.
Practically, this looks like keeping the groups intentionally small (think 6-8 people), and letting you drive the content.
That’s right - we’re not going to lead you through a book or a Bible study. We’re going to let you bring your questions, your doubts, your stories, and we’re going to let that drive where the group goes.
Sound refreshing? We thought so too. We don’t have an agenda about where you end up - we just want to walk with you on the journey so you don’t have to go it alone. If you’re ready to sign up, you can do that here, or you can learn more about the groups on our Instagram.
To echo Chris - To anyone out there who resonates with this and feels like a spiritual orphan - you’re not alone, your experience mattered, you’re not crazy and you’ll get through this. If you need someone to chat with, please reach out. We’d be happy to listen. This is what the journey is supposed to look like.